


a cold trip (everyday it's getting colder)

by istanlena



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Fluff, Kara feels very abandoned, Kara is a workaholic, Lots of Angst, Mentally at least, Sanvers - Freeform, Soft Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, but she's also in a better place now, i suck at this just give it a try please, lena comes back to try and make amends, lena really doesnt know how to fix anything so she pretends everything is okay between them, sanvers is adorable, so lena takes a mental health week away from everyone but oops she goes away for five years, so shes not sorry for that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istanlena/pseuds/istanlena
Summary: “Yeah, I just thought I’d take a week off. You know, that whole mental health thing or whatever.” Lena said, looking at Kara with a soft smile on her face as if the past five years never happened.“You’ve been missing for five years,” Kara stated, refusing to show any emotion.-----ORLena left to take a break from everything in her life, she ended up coming back 5 years later.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 61
Kudos: 434





	1. drown in your thoughts as i drowned in mine

**Author's Note:**

> This honestly came from a prompt, and turned to this. Ratings will change later but for now it's teen and up. This is a preview tell me if it sounds good? I ll make it into a one-shot but here is the idea.

PREVIEW 

Kara and Lena loved each other until they didn’t.

“Was anything you said real?! Was our friendship real?!” 

  
“Please, yes, of course, please just listen to me!” Kara pleaded, and she tried to reach Lena with her shaking hands, but Lena flinched away.   


“You lied to me. I trusted you, and you lied to me.” Lena said, her lips were quivering and hands shaking as she grabbed the suitcase. 

  
  
“I always knew you’d break my heart, I just never imagined it’d be this way,” Lena spoke as she walked closer to her car. 

  
  
She couldn’t handle the pain that she felt every time she was around Kara. Lena thought it would be easier to pretend that everything was fine after Kara confessed her secret, but it only got so much harder. It hurt so much more. She could feel herself going mad; she was becoming obsessed and turning into him. 

  
“Please don’t go.”

  
  
Lena shook her head and looked at the ground, trying to steady her breathing.

  
  
“I can fix this! Just give me a chance, please, tell me what to do!” 

  
  
“You can’t fix this, Kara!” 

“Do you understand how much pain I feel every time I look at you? How can I stay here when I can’t breathe around you! I can’t even be in the same city as you without being constantly reminded of everything I thought I had.”

“You still have it all! You still have all your friends; nothing has changed, Lena!” Kara yelled out, her face was strained by her tears that wouldn’t stop running down her face. 

“No, I don’t! I wish I had,” Lena confessed as she hid her face in her hands, she could feel Kara’s arms wrap around her, pulling her in, “What did you lose? I will go to the last universe and get it back if it means you’ll be happy.” Kara said, trying to comfort Lena, but Lena shoved her back and stepped away before she could be convinced. 

“You can’t fix this because I loved you!” Lena screamed, and she could see Kara mimic her posture and facial expression. 

She hadn’t expected that. She didn’t mean to say that she was going to take that secret to her grave.

“ _What_?” Kara asked in a breathy voice. 

“Wow, I actually don’t care, okay then, you want me to tell you I feel? Here we go, It’s like, you think everything is great, and you’re so happy, and then that person you love more than anything rips everything out from underneath you and destroys you without a second thought.”

  
“That’s what you did to me, Kara because I loved you. Well, the idea of the person I thought you were, but all of that shattered the second I found what you were, a lying manipulator. You lied to me, and you used me, manipulated me, had me thinking that you actually cared about me.”

  
“Lena, no, I do care about you, I do love you please.”

“No, just stop, stop! What more could you want from me? I’ve given you everything!”

  
“I chose my brother over you, I killed him to protect you, to protect our friends! I lost the last part of the soul that day, Kara.”

“Funny thing, I was going to go straight to you before I found out who you were Kara, I knew that my best friend would keep me safe and keep the terrors of what I had done away, but instead, I dreamt about both of you causing me harm.”  


“I’d always protect you, you know that. And I am so so sorry that you had to go through that by yourself Lena, I am so sorry you had to do that, I can’t tell you how sorry-”

“No! Fuck you! I don’t want you to fucking apologize! I want the guilt to eat you alive. I want you to drown in your thoughts like I drowned in mine.”

“Don’t come after me Supergirl, I don’t plan on changing my entire life because of you, so stay away from me,” Lena said before she walked into her car, slamming the door shut and driving away leaving a heartbroken superhero on the street. 


	2. disney is got me feeling some sort of way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is the first chapter, diving a bit into everybody's lives. Please let me know what you think, also I changed it from a one shot to a multi chapter, 7 at the most because a one shot format doesn't work for this story, next chapter everybody will be interacting with each other. And by that I mean Lena and Kara, I want to slow the pace of the story because obviously nothing can be the same after five years of no contact, and I think forgiveness is a big part of that, so the chapters will get much much longer, which allow me to finish this story in a few chapters.

**DECEMBER SEVENTH 2020**

Kara was at her apartment relaxing, which was such a rare thing since she traveled all over the world nowadays, not only because of her dual personality but because she was one of the world’s most respected journalists. She rarely got to see Alex outside of the DOE anymore, and whatever free time she had was used for resting. This time she had just gotten back from a little village on the shoreline of Norway called Reine, and after writing an intriguing article called ‘Reine in 60’ on it, she was set to take a nap. That was, of course, before her phone began ringing. 

The blonde got up from her couch making her way to the kitchen counter where she left her phone so she wouldn’t get distracted. She should have known better, though. Her time wasn’t hers. Sighing as she reached the phone and answered she spoke, “Hello this is Kara Danvers speaking,” Kara hadn’t realized that she used her work greeting on her cellphone until it was too late, ‘old habits die hard,’ She thought.

“Wow, just because I haven’t seen you in two weeks doesn’t mean you have to answer the phone like I’m one of your clients,” An amused voice replied. “Oh, I’m sorry Alex, I didn’t look at the caller ID,” Kara apologized while also trying not to sound tired.

“Your back in National City, right? I saw Supergirl on the news, and I didn’t know if it was one of your quick checkups.”

“No, yeah, I’m back, just got home a few hours ago. Do you want to come over? We can watch a movie. I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Chuckling Alex replied with, “That’s because you haven’t, you silly alien.” 

“Ugh, I’ll see you soon?” Kara asked in an exasperated voice. 

“Yeah, be there in fifteen. Bye, you alie-” Kara hung up before Alex could finish her sentence. She went on to prepare for their sister’s night routine, changing into a comfortable sweater and sweatpants, pulling out blankets and snacks, and turning on the TV to disney+ channel that was playing a cheesy movie that Kara knew Alex would hate. The blonde finished setting up in a few minutes, so she decided to grab a book and read for while she was waiting for Alex. 

This was probably one of her favorite books ever, ‘City of Girls,’ it was titled, she had read the book around five times now, and yet she never got tired of it. Just when she about to finish the chapter, she was on the doorbell rang, and Kara yelled out a ‘come in!’ since she knew Alex had her key to the apartment. 

“Hey, you’re comfy.”

“Yup, that’s me!” Kara replied grinning, Alex snickered and threw her coat on the stool nearest to her. 

“What are you reading?” Alex asked, even if she very well knew the answer. “City of girls, do you even have to ask?” Kara furrowed her eyebrows. “No, but I do love pretending to listen to you ramble on about the book for two hours as I pretend to listen. It gives me time to think.” Alex said before pushing Kara’s legs off the couch and making room for herself. “Hey! Be nice to me I just got back from Norway!”

“Oh my, I am so sorry, miss-I-get-to-travel-the-world-and-work-a-job-I-love.” 

“You’re mean,” Kara replied, giving Alex her best pout, “ugh no! Not the pout, you know what just for that I’m gonna ask you a question we will both regret.” Alex stated, and Kara quirked an eyebrow.

“Did you hook up with anyone?”

“Oh, my Rao! Why would you ask me that! No, and even if I did, I would never talk to you about that, have I ever spoke to you about that, ughh.” 

“Glad to know baby sister is not a virgin,” Alex said before she received a pillow in the face. “Next time, I will kick you out.”

“No, you love me too much to do so.” Alex started grinning at Kara while she opened a bag of onion chips, “Yeah I do, now, what’s been going on in life?”

“Well, Maggie and I are good, we caught that Oxul Alien, was pretty tough but we were able to take him out with water.”

“Water? Really? You mean my laser beams and super strength couldn’t get him, but water could?”

“Yes, jeez, stop being so bitter.” Alex laughed, and Kara leaned into her, hugging her.

“I missed you.” 

“Me too, now let’s see what horror movie you have in store for me.”

“For us.” Kara corrected. 

“Sure, even though you’re going to pass out during the next ten minutes.

“No, I’m not.”

“We’ll see.” Alex retorted back, “Your impossible.

“And you have terrible taste in movies.”

“Alex, it’s not a terrible movie. It’s beauty and the beast a classic...” Kara rambled on as Alex rolled her eyes and let the blonde ramble. 

**NATIONAL CITY - DECEMBER EIGHTH**

“When are you going to tell her your back?” Sam asked Lena as she unboxed the last of the CEO’S books and organized them.

“Soon, Samantha, soon,” Lena replied, already tired of the conversation. 

“It’s been two days already if you wait it out any longer, she’s going to find out from the press, and that’s not going to be a pretty picture.”

“Gosh, I have to do this, don’t I?” Lena asked while rubbing her forehead; Sam walked closer to Lena setting a hand on her shoulders, “Putting it off won’t help you fix anything.” 

“I know, I know.” Lena said, “I don’t know how to confront her, Lena admitted. 

“Maybe you don’t have to do it first.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I told Alex I was back, and we have plans to meet up later, maybe I can say to her, explain things, and she can tell Kara, so she will be ready when you talk to her, you’ll both have more time, and you can think this through.

“Really?” Lena asked, feeling lucky she had a friend like Samantha in her life.

“Yeah, of course. We can even go to game night if you don’t want it to be just the two of you.” 

“I don’t think that’s a great idea right now.” 

“Right, that goes against wanting to give her time.” 

“Thank you, Sam; really, I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Lena said sincerely, “You’d probably be sitting in your office working your life away and being miserable, so your welcome!” Lena snickered and pulled Sam in for a hug.

“Now, help me with organizing your massive bookshelf. Gotta finish up quickly if I want to pick up Ruby on time.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

* * *

**DECEMBER EIGHT**

Alex sighed as she looked to the sight next to her; she had fun watching the movie that she didn’t notice Kara dozing off a good hour ago. 

“Kara, Kara, wake up.” Alex nudged the blonde in hand, trying to wake her up. Kara let out a groan as she buried her face into the cushion even more, “Have a nice nap?” Alex questioned her sister making sure to keep her voice quiet as to not startle her too much, she needed sleep, and a full night of sleep and that wasn’t going to happen if she stayed at the couch. 

“How long have I been out?” She asked her voice, sounding tired. “About an hour or so,” Alex replied and received a hum in return, “time for bed, sleepyhead, come one, I’ve got you.” Alex whispered as she helped Kara stand up, “I’m okay; you should probably head back, don’t want Maggie being lonely.” Kara murmured, and Alex’s heart broke at her sister’s words.

Alex doesn’t think Kara realizes she’s lonely, ever since Lena left, she’s been keeping her friends at an arms distance and continuously working; it broke Alex’s heart seeing her sister still put people in front of her own needs. She sank into her work life as a journalist and a Superhero so deep that she forgot about her own life, she forgot about Kara Zor-el, just the girl who traveled across universes to end up at Earth. 

“Kara, be quiet. Your eyebags have eyebags!” Kara snorted at that.

“I’m not kidding, “Is there a reason why you can’t sleep? Or why your not getting enough sleep?” Alex asked, and when Kara finally was able to stand up by herself and not pass out, Alex let go of her, still standing close to her, though. “Don’t worry. I slept two hours in Rein,” Kara stated, and Alex recoiled at that, “That’s not nearly enough!” the older sister exclaimed.

“Sleep is something fake created by the government so that I won’t be doing it.” Kara joked, “Shut up and go to sleep!” 

“Fine, I don’t understand why I have to sleep, I have so much work to do.”

“You don’t get enough sleep, so I’m making you,” Alex answered, following her sister. 

Kara groaned as she made her way to her bed and threw herself on top of it, a few seconds later the light was turned off, and she was being tucked into bed, “Your exhausted,” Alex stated in a whisper as she stood near Kara, “Thanks miss obvious,” Kara chuckled. Still, Alex didn’t laugh, “Even if you have superpowers, you should have enough time to sleep a few hours a day. “This is what happens when you overexert yourself,” Alex told her sister, she really couldn’t believe what little care Kara is giving herself.

“I am tired, drained, from everything,” Kara confessed.

Alex’s heart dropped when she heard those words, the way her sister seemed so broken and fragile, she wanted to scream at who’s ever done any harm to her and hurt them, but she knew Kara needed comfort more than anything now. Now she was baffled, two minutes ago she was insisting she was fine and now she’s upset- is she pregnant? Alex though and quickly removed that thought out of her head. She would have known. 

“Can’t do anything right...” Kara mumbled into her pillow. 

“That’s not true, Kara; you know it’s not,” Alex said more determined to make her sister feel better, her sister might not be able to get drunk, but she did say a lot of things when she was tired. 

“I keep hurting my friends because I’m keeping them at an arm’s distance, I barely see you, and when I do, I’m never in the mood, or it’s always Supergirl work, I don’t have time for things.” Right, that was what’s wrong, it should have been evident for Alex to figure out what Kara was meaning, but she never complained about her jobs’. She knew it must be hard for Kara to keep up two different lives and have always got everything right...

“Everybody knows that I’m a mess,” she whispered, and the tears she was holding in her eyes spilled out.

“No, Kara, your a strong, beautiful woman. You’re not a mess. I know the saying, ‘you’re just a human’ doesn’t technically apply to you, but you have the heart of a human. You’ve lived here for thirteen years, and you just stressed out, you’re burning out because of how much you work tirelessly because of how much you care. And we love you for that, but your health always comes first, and if it means you don’t want to do Supergirl work for a while, that’s okay.”

“No, no, I can’t do that, who will keep Earth protected? Plus, I love being Supergirl, totally do, maybe a few weeks off would help.” 

“That’s what I said, Kara, and yeah, I know you love being Supergirl.”

“No! You said a while, that’s -” she stops, a yawn interrupting her. “That’s different.”

“Your right, I’m sorry.” Alex chuckled as she threw away the mountain of pillows her sister had on her bed so the blonde could sleep more comfortably. She was going to tell John not to ask Kara for help for the next few weeks, or however long her sister wants. She’s paid enough as it already is, having no social life and barely getting any sleep because she ‘owes’ this world protection sounded ridiculous to Alex. 

“Can you stay tonight?” Alex’s eyes were filled with so much love for her sister she couldn’t say anything but slide into bed next to her sister and hold her close.

“Thank you,”

“You’re a star, your a star from outer space, and you accidentally fell into a coal mine. And I am so sorry things are going well now, but they’ll turn up better.”

Kara squeezed Alex’s hands, “It still hurts, I think it always will.”

“I know, sweetie, I know, Now let’s get some sleep.” 

* * *

The next morning Alex went back to her apartment to get ready for work. She thought that Maggie had already left to go to work when she entered the bedroom but instead was met with the sight of the woman in bed reading while drinking coffee. 

Maggie was sitting with her back towards Alex, wearing a sweatshirt and shorts that showed of much of her legs, which Alex was very grateful for, the smaller woman had still not noticed her until Alex dropped on the bed and covered her shoulder in kisses. 

“Hi,” Maggie beamed at her girlfriend before pressing a kiss to her lips, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work? Not that I’m complaining,” Alex smirked as she moved Maggie, so she was sitting on her lap, legs around her waist. “I took the day off, wanted to spend the day with you. That is if you take the day off too.”

“Starting to become a little clingy, huh?”

“Oh, you have no idea, Mrs. Danvers.” Maggie chuckled before snuggling into Alex; they had gotten married three months ago at a beach in Puerto Rico, they had all their family and friends with them as they celebrated the most important day in their lives. Finally, having gotten past the wanting a kid problem and finding their way back together brought them infinitely closer. Maybe they needed that time to figure out everything, for maggie to understand what type of future she wants and for Alex to sort out her priorities, whether it was a maybe in the future to be dealt with or Maggie, the woman who made everything make sense. 

Thankfully neither of them had to give up the future they desired; they found a way to compromise, Maggie realized that she did want a kid, just an older one and that she was scared she would raise them wrong. So she visited her parents, told them everything that she had been holding in for so long, and finally moved on. 

“I feel like if I don’t see you, I might just cave in. I’ve never met someone so beautiful in every way plausible until you.”

“Did you roll out of the lucky side of the bed today because you seem to be in a fabulous mood.” Alex snickered before cupping Maggie’s cheeks and drawing her in for a sweet kiss. 

“In the mood for lots of kisses, please.”

“Of course now, tell me about the book you’re reading while I kiss your neck.”

* * *

Sam was driving to Ruby’s school to pick up her daughter. It was her first day at a new school, and she wanted to show Ruby the easiest way to drive to school since the teenager usually drove herself there nowadays. Sam knew how hard it was to be the new kid, but luckily they already had a fantastic chosen family in National City and knew their way around reasonably well. 

“Hey kid, How was your day?”

“Hey! it was okay, I mean it is school, so...” 

Sam rolled her eyes.

“How did I raise such a sassy brat?”

“Ask yourself. You raised me. Also, your DNA might have more to do with it, so, and you might want to get that checked out- hey!” Ruby exclaimed as Sam tossed a napkin at her, “Are you done because your Starbucks is melting Ms, Harmiony Granger.”

“Is it a Caramel Frappuccino or Macho because-”

“They are completely two different, and I will not be poisoning myself with Macho.” Sam finished Ruby’s sentence, having gone through this conversation many many times.

“Yes, it’s a Frappuccino, and you do realize that they are equally bad for you, right?” Sam questioned the teenager sitting in her car who brought out her metal straw because, as stated, “We’re killing the turtle’s mom!”

“Yeah, whatever. You know I got to see all my old friends, they look so different, but some haven’t changed at all, I think I’m taller than most everyone else.” Ruby rambled on, and Sam let her; she knew how much moving affected her daughter’s life. She would usually be very upset about it. Still, when she brought up the topic of moving back to National City with Aunt Lena and closer to the ‘Superfamily,’ the teenager was shockingly okay with it.

Ruby indeed was an amazing, beautiful, incredible daughter, and Sam was so grateful for her. 

* * *

“Rubes c’ mere baby, I want to talk to you about something,” Sam called out as she set down the hot chocolate with marshmallows scattered inside. “I swear if this is about the class that I skipped, I am so sorry, it was social studies and very boring- we- I mean we were just coloring so-” Ruby rambled on utterly unaware of what the actual subject at hand was. 

“You what now?! Ruby, I can’t believe you would do something like - nevermind we are going to have a long conversation about that later. Right now, we have a more serious matter at hand.” Sam said as she ran her hand through her hair, huffing out, and pointing to the stool in front of her.

“Okay, what did you want to talk about?” The sixteen-year-old asked as she sat down. 

During the past five years, she had grown into a beautiful young lady, kept her hair long, but dyed it a few times throughout her school years, obviously influenced by Alex. In fact, many choices were affected by the agent, which ruby adored. She could not have a conversation about National City without Alex being mentioned. “So you know how I have to travel a lot for my job? I know I haven’t done that since we came back from National City, so you- we can settle down for a while.”

“You want to start traveling again? I mean, that’s fine, it’s been a while, and I can take care of myself now, big girl.” Ruby flashed a grin that melted Sam’s heart every goddamn time.

Ruby was everything to her. 

“I know that but, that’s not what I was going to talk to you about.” The elder Arias explained, “Oh,” Ruby mumbled, “What is it then?” she asked. “I want to ask your opinion about this and be honest with me. Please, because I know, with highschool work and college coming up, this is very difficult.”

“Okay, your starting to worry me, so can you please get to the point,” Ruby chuckled the anxiety evident in her voice.

“How would you feel about moving back to National City. To be with our family again, closer to everyone else,” Sam blurted out and was now looking at the counter scared of her daughter’s reaction- well not scared more like worried. She dropped this out of nowhere on her, and a good response was not expected. 

Ruby was an amazing daughter, but no kid would take well to this news. To drop their entire life and moving across the country during high school. No way, no sense in that, except ruby didn’t lash out.

“I mean, it’s... why now?” The teenager questioned looking somewhat curios, at least she didn’t start yelling out, she just needed answers, and Sam could provide that, will ensure that with the best of her ability. “I’m not going to lie, work does have a big part of that, If we stay here, I would be leaving every couple weeks for a few days, and I don’t want to leave you alone for that long; also your aunt Lena is moving back.”

“So, we are moving?”

“I am not deciding anything until I hear your opinion, I know you are in an important stage of your life, and If I am going to turn everything upside down, you should have a say in it. Your not a little kid anymore.” 

“Thanks, mom, for including me in this, but we haven’t seen anybody in a really long time, would they be okay with that, also why is aunt Lena moving back, I thought she didn’t like that place anymore.”

“Actually, I’ve spoken to your Aunt, Alex, and she would love to have us back, and so would aunt Maggie, and uncle Winn, James, and J’onn. They were all very inviting, but of course, the last say is up to you. Unless you want to stay here by yourself for days on end with a baby sitter.”

“Woah, Woah, Woah!” Ruby exclaimed, “Now that’s just straight up blackmailing! You should know better you are a CFO, after all. Yeesh.”

and for the hundredth time that day, Sam rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry, and to answer your earlier question, aunt Lena wants to go back because she feels bad about how she left things, remember how she and Kara used to be best friends.”

“That’s the understatement of the year,” Ruby chuckled, “Hey! That is none of our business. And don’t be so quick to assume kid. Your godmother has never said anything in particular,” Sam scolded her daughter. 

“Alright, jeez, but one last thing, no one looks at their best friend that way.” 

“What did I just say!” Sam glared at her daughter, but she only received a shrug from the teenager, “Anyways, she wants to go back to fix things, with everybody plus our firm over there needs a little bit of a push. Since Jess became, it’s acting CEO, last month, she is having a bit of trouble with adjusting.” 

“But she was a CFO for like a few years, so why is it so hard?” 

“They may be close in ranks but very different jobs, a CFO deals with money and numbers, tracking cash flow and financial planning, what to spend money on, and what not to. But the CEO is the main communication point, they hold the most stocks and sharings; usually, they have the last say in deals and stuff.”

“Oh, well, then we should probably go and help Jess.

“Well yes, but-” Sam stopped realizing what Ruby had just said, “Wait, did you just? Really?” Ruby smiled as an answer, “We should move back home.” 

“C’ mere kid,” Sam pulled ruby into a bone-crushing hug. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on Tumblr!!
> 
> @versented 
> 
> Please comment, or leave kudo's that really motivates me to write more, and let's me know what you guys want to see, i'm trying to get these out as quick as I can but life happens and honestly i'm kind of stuck on my other fic, "Where did you go," so I'm sorry it's taking so long, i'm really trying.


	3. up, up and away, a trapped star i am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Nia talk, we get a little bit of Lena's POV - and things start to kick up! I mean well, just start, their far from okay.

Kara was having an incredibly busy week again. Since the ‘incident’ from a few days ago, she hadn’t seen Alex since then, she wondered if her sister had finally given up on her. With all of the meetings, phone calls, and articles to write, and interns to train and criminals to catch, Kara had no time to deal with her personal life. Working late nights in the office seemed to be a habit now, as if she had done it all her life, when in reality, it was just since, well, since her life had fallen apart. Personal life, anyways, her career was skyrocketing.

Not wanting to go home to nobody and nothing, she found herself in her office facing the large window that was overlooking the city. The sky was dark, but the stars shone as brightly as ever amongst the vast sky; she lost herself in them along with her thoughts. She liked to believe that everyone from Krypton had turned into Stars, those who lost their lives when the planet had died, her father, her childhood best friend, family, friends and peers, people she was destined to work with if she had grown up on Krypton, all shining in Rao’s light, watching over her.

The view always made her feel nostalgic, always makes her want to go back home cuddle in her blankets and fall asleep dreaming of Krypton. She’d be lying if Kara said that she didn’t miss when her life was so simple. When she was just hiding who she was because at least then, her biggest problem was to figure out what to have for dinner or what movie to watch, whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza, and if that would give away the she wasn’t human. 

And it’s all so heartwarming, and nostalgic, and somewhat sad, but she _misses_ it. It wasn’t perfect, but it was _hers,_ and she was in control of it. 

From an outsider’s perspective, her life was perfect. But it wasn’t, not to her anyway. Sure her career was skyrocketing, she was seeing more money than most people, and her work as Supergirl had never been more affecting, but she never had time for herself. Between all the traveling, superhero work, reporting, and training others, Kara’s personal life was non-existent. She only saw her friends at the DEO, or when she was reporting something, maybe once every few weeks she’d be able to attend the game night, but that was about it. She felt out of the loop. She was out of the loop. 

And that’s probably not the most important thing, that it was entirely irrelevant to everything going on in her life, and god did she sound spoiled and ungrateful because here she was feeling sorry for herself when others wished they had her life. She’d accidentally overhear them talking about her, about her work, life, relationships. ‘I mean, how come she gets to travel all the time and only show up to work a few times a month and still get paid millions a year?’ and ‘Well, of course, she’s one of the worlds most successful reporters, she knows basically every single CEO, and she’s hogging all the Superhero’s to herself, I mean just give us a way to contact them and then it’ll be a fair game.’ as well as, ‘She’s so lucky, she trained under Cat fucking Grant, got exclusives with CEO’s such as Lena Luthor, and no actually - most of them only want her to interview them, and let’s not forget the Superhero’s, I mean she must know who Supergirl.’ 

She didn’t notice Nia besides her until she heard a sigh, which had her turning around theatrically. “Nia!” she called out to the younger woman who was smiling sheepishly, “Hey, sorry for the scare you just were lost in your thoughts, and I didn’t want to interrupt you.” Nia apologized, reaching out for Kara’s shoulder to calm her. 

“Don’t be silly, you’re not interrupting anything, c’mon let’s go to the balcony better view,” Kara suggested, and Nia thankfully followed without any comments. Kara’s eyes trailed down to the city beneath her once they were outside, both women were silent for a moment, and Kara was still looking at National City, it was a magnificent city, strong, resilient, independent, and Kara loved it so much. ‘I would give the greatest sunset in the world for once sight of this city,’ Kara thought before Nia cleared her throat and asked the question she, oh, dreaded so much. “So, everything okay?” Nia asked the question that everyone always asks the blonde every day. It used to be a simple act of kindness to her, but now, it was just something that her friends asked her to see if she was about to have a breakdown or fly away not to be seen for a few days. 

And Kara replies with, “Of course I am, everything’s great why would I be?” instead of what she really wants to say, what she’s been shoving inside of her years on end now, the past few months more than usual. ‘Can we just pretend that everything is normal for once? To go back to the way things used to be because I miss the way things used to be,’ and, ‘I can take care of myself just fine, Please shut up. Just shut up,’ and so much more. Just wants to tell Nia and everyone that her life is great, but she’s just, oh so tired and that she’s just hurting and she doesn’t know why.’ 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.” Nia chastised the chief editor, and Kara knew that she was doing her adorably irresistible pout that definitely beat her own.” Look at me, Kara,” and the blonde sighed before turning around and facing the younger woman. 

Nia’s eyes were filled with pity, and Kara didn’t need her pity. She didn’t want her pity or anyone. “Don’t look at me like that.” Kara bit out. She didn’t mean it to come out like that, to sound so hurtful. But it did, and she can’t help it because now, oh, she’s drowning in anger and denial. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you, Kara, but please don’t shut us out.” Nia pleaded, and Kara dug her heels into the floor, strong enough, so her balcony doesn’t come apart, but to showcase how pissed she is. “Us? As in, Alex, James, Winn, and Brainy? You can all stop treating me like I’m some damsel in distress. When I say I’m fine, I mean it.” 

“Jesus, do we have to have this conversation again, Kara? You’re not fine. You know it, ever since-” Nia stopped not daring to finish that sentence, she couldn’t go there, or god knows they would hear from Kara for at least a month unless it was for Supergirl. “Ever since what? C’mon, tell me, Nia, ever since what happened that I’ve clearly not been fine?” Kara pressed on, she knew that she should stop, but the anger was coursing through her blood, and she just thought that maybe, just hopefully, that this will throw everybody off her back for at least a few days. “It’s okay to break Kara,” Nia said, her voice softer and more gentle now, wanting to calm down the woman in front of her. “I’m not going to break,” Kara growled out. 

A few moments of silence pass by, and Kara can feel just how much Nia is disappointed, and _god_ , she doesn’t want _that_ , She doesn’t want to make her friend upset, but she’s running out of patience, and here she doesn’t have enough will to keep her mouth shut and just give her another lie, she can’t explain herself, how she feels. And she wishes they would just understand that because honestly, is it so hard? Is it so difficult for them to give her space and let her come around by herself? 

So she doesn’t answer, she keeps her hands fisted across her chest and turned around so that she’s not facing the Junior Reporter, she’s looking at the city below her. The cars passing by the lights, and she can hear the footsteps descending away, and no longer able to listen to her heart rate without focusing her Superpowers on Nia, which means she must have left.

So Kara does what she does every time, she takes a leap and flies. Up Up and away to the stars. 

Alex wakes up to Maggie shoving her shoulder and lightly hitting at her hands to wake her up; the smaller woman didn’t look happy if Alex’s judgment was correct, not at all. Maggie seemed a little pissed to be honest, her eyebrows were furrowed and her lips stuck out in a pout which was, fucking hell - if it wasn’t the cutest thing Alex had ever seen, and god did it want to make her give the world to Maggie right there and then. “Mmm, morning,” Alex said as she cuddled Maggie closer to her body, letting the warmth engulf her. “Your damming alarm, Danvers,” Maggie grumbled, but she made herself be pulled into the larger body next to hers anyway.

Their morning routine was a little bit different every day, but overall it was the Same. They wake up wrapped in each other, and it’s usually too early for Maggie, so Alex agrees to stay in bed a little longer. They kiss each other and ask how well the other one slept, usually Alex. It’s cold and crisp outside, but no matter what the weather is out, it’s warm and soft in their apartment. They still can hear the quiet sounds of traffic coming from below, and they suspect nothing else. After all, they live in one of the busiest places in National City. Maggie always cooks breakfast because her wife just can’t be trusted in a kitchen, much like Kara. If it’s a slow day, they’d go back to bed and cuddle for a little more, listening to music all the while. And everything is fi- actually, no, everything is perfect, they have a routine, and their safe and warm, and no one else matters when they’re inside the apartment, it’s their safe space.

“What about it?” The redhead questioned. “S’ annoying.” Alex couldn’t help but chuckle at that, she held Maggie’s chin and places a kiss on her lips, pulling away too soon for Maggie’s liking, which caused Alex to receive multiple kicks against her legs. “Hey! Why are you kicking me?” Alex moped, “just shut up and kiss me!” Maggie complained. Alex just stared at her in disbelief, “That’s what I was doing!” 

“No, you pulled away,” The smaller woman reason and Alex just stammered, unable to make a sentence, so Maggie just pulled her back into a kiss and what the hell, how can someone be so perfect. They both lose themselves for a few moments kissing before Maggie remembers something. “Wait, wait, hmph - Alex,” Maggie gasped breathlessly, and Alex pulled back, looking ruffled and just bothered. Her lips were bruised, and her cheeks flushed pink. “What now?” The agent grumbled. “You got a few messages from Sam and a missed call,” Alex freezes and looks Maggie in the eyes, “Sam? Like Sam Arias?” she asked, “Yeah, of course, it’s her. You should read what she sent you. I think it’s a pretty nice surprise.” 

Alex looked at her skeptically and murmured an, okay, before grabbing her phone from the bedside, she still looked adorably flushed, hair already looking messy from a night’s sleep, which has not helped by Maggie’s hand’s fisting in her hair. And all Alex can think about is one of her best friends and a surprise, and maybe she’s acting like a two-year-old, because she’s very impatient, or she’s just excited because there is a surprise and one of her best friends involved. She accidentally drops her phone on to the floor and she Maggie starts laughing behind her, and she’s distracted again and shit, Maggie’s laughter isn’t really helpful. 

And yeah, maybe she wants to tackle Maggie and cover her with kisses but after because she doesn’t want to keep getting interrupted because that’s really not fun. Like at all, whatsoever. 

She picks up her phone from the floor, and she has three texts from Sam, and the last one makes her laugh out loud. 

She pulls Maggie closer and whispers to her, “you knew about this?” her voice sleepy and but still thick, and Maggie replies back with a nod of her head and a hum, “yeah, I knew how much you missed Sam and Ruby, she called me a few days ago, and I told her not to tell you until she arrived,” Maggie confessed, “ _God,_ your the best. Let me reply to her really quickly. Maggie whispers and _okay_ and latches herself onto Alex’s back, as the taller woman sends out a text.

_I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me! I mean a nice surprise but you tell Maggie but not me? Let me know when your free so we can have lunch! And Ruby’s idea seems great, knowing you and your job, you probably don’t even remember your birthday, so be thankful._ She sends click and hears the _whoosh_ sound of the text getting delivered before she flung her phone out of her hand, not caring about it and turning her attention to Maggie. 

Lena entered the office she realized she hadn’t stepped foot in for five years, the Same place she spent over ten hours every day refusing to go home until there was nothing else to do or to be improved. The Same office she lived in for seven months worrying that the resident Super of the city wouldn’t welcome her. The office she had known used to be so stark and cold. The dark walnut bookcase lining the entire left-hand wall was replaced with a fireplace and mantle dominating the surface above hung an abstract painting of jazz musicians. 

The white couch she used to sit and chat for hours with Kara was replaced with a bright orange L-shaped sofa and a television system right in front. The elegant file cabinets that matched her office had been long but replaced with plants. The big messy desk, an old wooden wardrobe, a poster on one wall, a gruesome photographic blowup of a man’s face beside it. _Blurgh_. The man she put in charge had turned this place into an apartment, colorful, messy, and way too personalized. 

She hated it. 

A lot of things may have changed during the past five years, but one thing was still the Same, Lena Luthor appreciated the dark and powerful aesthetic she had claimed. Cold and stark would forever be the look she preferred in her work settings, hell, even at home. The brunette made her way to the large mahogany desk glaring at with distaste. She cracked her neck hard over; she could see the sky from the office window, delft-blue and cloudless, and so bright it looked solid. The man didn’t even bother to clear out the office when he was told that Ms.Luthor would be returning to National City; he just packed up and left from what she’s heard. Lena knew in her mind that it was best not to have seen him, or she would have probably just strangled him right on the spot. The illegal business managements and infamous relationships that he’d been having had him fired the moment she found out about it. Luckily for Lena and all of L-Corp, the news hadn’t been released to the press and was able to be contained in a small group of people she trusted. Mainly Jess and Sam. 

She quickly pressed on the intercom, “Jess, please come into the office.” Lena ordered and a few seconds after Jess walked. The woman had stuck by her side for almost seven years, her title was still “Executive Assistant,” but she did much more, most of the time she was trusted with financial problems and to handle board members and meetings that Lena and Sam couldn’t make it to. Essentially she acted as the COO. “Yes, Miss.Luthor?” The shorter woman called out when she arrived, “What happened here- Actually no I don’t even want to know, can we please get someone to redesign this space, oh and Mr.Mark’s old office, you should go for whatever look you think will be good for that office.”

“Of course, Miss. Luthor, but may I ask why we’re renovating Mr. Mark’s office?” She asked a little skeptical, “Because Jess, that role is yours now, you’ve been working by my side for years now, you’ve practically been doing Mr. Mark’s job all these years, I think it’s only fair for you to claim that spot, since it’s rightfully yours, only if you’re interested, of course.” 

“I don’t know what to say - I- thank you so much, Miss. Luthor, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

“You don’t need to say anything, besides its about time, isn’t it?” Lena candidly responded. “Now, let’s get those offices set up, and find someone assistants; this office will be your lasts tasks as an EA.”

“Of course, Miss. Luthor, I’ll get everything set up,” Jess cooperated, “It’s Lena now, please,” The CEO corrected the smaller woman, and soon Lena was alone in ‘her’ office all again. She really couldn’t stand the sight of what this room had become, but then still, that was her fault. 

If she only had stayed and listened to Kara, if she hadn’t been so selfish, _maybe_ _just maybe_ things would have been different. She would still have her friends with her; she’d have something to do on the weekends nowadays instead of cuddling up on her couch with a glass of wine and a book. 

Not that there was anything unpleasant with that, she’d just rather not do that every night. 

Then again, those five years did do something good for her, her work habits improved, her mental health and the distance away from the Super’s did help her to distance herself from the Luthor’s. She hadn’t received a death threat or has been attacked in a few years, which may sound bizarre to some people but was a relief to her. It helped her realize so many things, like that maybe not everyone around her had a motivation to hurt her or betray her, that she _could_ trust people without expecting to get hurt at some point. 

And that’s something she’ll forever be grateful for, Lena’s pulled out from her thoughts by the ringing phone in her purse, she knows who it is already without even looking at the phone, only Sam call’s her on this phone. 

“Hey Sam, I’m glad you called,”

“Why is something wrong?”

“Does something have to be wrong for me to want to talk to you?”

“Yeah, usually,” Sam remarks, and Lena huffs, “Anyways, I texted Alex, earlier, and we’re going to lunch tomorrow, I just wanted to ask, _are you sure_?”

“Yes, Sam,”

“Okay, If all goes well and she thinks it would be a good idea, she’ll tell Kara. If not, you’re going to have to reach out yourself.”

“Okay, If she agrees then call me,”

“Yeah, if Alex tells Kara, you’ll be seeing her tomorrow at game night or something most likely.

“Do you think she’d want to see me? After all, I’ve done?”

“Why wouldn’t she Lena, she fought so hard for you, I’m sure she jumps at the opportunity to meet you again.”

“Even after how much I hurt her?”

“Yes Lena, you made a mistake, and you learned from it; now you just need to fix it, and it might not be easy, she might not want to see you, but you can’t give up on her easily, just like she did you.”

_Possibly true, but she did give up on me, she let me push her away and let me go after allowing the DEO to confiscate project non-necore. She allowed me went and didn’t even bother to follow me or try to stop me._

_Then again, it is what I told her not to._

That was still a sensitive subject for Lena, project connector was so important to her, she knows what she was planning is so wrong, so inhumane, but the fact that Kara just gave up on her after making sure Lena wouldn’t be able to enact her plan? That still hurts like a bitch. 

“Part of me wants to jump up and run away,” Lena confesses. 

“It’s okay to be scared, remember you’re important to her. Don’t forget that **,** and if she doesn’t see that well, you have the rest of us and a full life ahead of you. For both of you.” 

“Thank you, Sam, I am glad I have a friend like you.”

“Yeah doesn’t worry about it; I’ll see you soon, Lena.” Sam chuckled before she hung up.

Lena just hoped everything would play out well. 


	4. of grumpy beginnings

She really doesn’t mean to be late. She has absolutely had no intention of being late. It’s just that getting yelled at by German men in $10,000 Avicii suits seems to be the new normal for Sam. 

Leaving the meeting on time to make it to the mall so she could meet Alex and somehow try to convince her that letting Lena back in was a good idea was proving to be a challenge of its own already. Lena being the richest woman on earth, was obviously always going to be on the reporter’s radar. The reporters would sometimes hide out in front of her building to get a picture or start some rumor. For the past few years, they have been successful in preventing that. 

So obviously Sam and Lena had to stay under the radar for the first few weeks if they wanted their plan to work at all. And maybe choosing a mall to meet up with a friend she hasn’t seen in five years probably wasn’t a good idea _ , especially _ if you were always in the public’s eye, and had potential reports stalking you to stir up some drama out of the littlest things. But meeting up at her’s or Alex’s home was probably a little too intimate. 

Sam was scared, it was obvious and annoying, and above all inconvenient sure it’s been five years but her and Alex and always been a unit of sorts. Her eyes scanned over the busy lounge people were eating chatting parents running around after their toddlers. Still, Sam’s I finally landed on one figure there, she was, Sam swallowed shifted and called out the redheads name in an attempt to catch her attention across the busy lounge, Alex walks right over to her, her eyes glowing and a huge smile on her face. Her hair has gotten a bit longer, an inch or so, she’s tucked it behind her ear, and she opens her arms wide as she wraps Sam in a massive hug and picks her straight up off the ground.” Thank god you’ve returned in time, I was going to send John to kidnap you!”, Alex says, and Sam melts into the hug, laughing at her friend’s antics. The ones she missed so terribly. “I’ve missed you too, Alex.” Sam chuckled, “Now could you please put me down, people are looking.” Alex did so but not without pouting first, “I have so much to fill you in on...” A bittersweet smile graced Alex’s face.

“I bet you do, it has been a while, I would’ve been disappointed if you had nothing to tell me.” It was impossible to ignore the sadness emitting from Alex’s voice or even pretend to, not this close. After all, it has been five years with minimal contact. The hurt was still there, the fact that Sam left everything to go after Lena,  _ again _ , especially when she finally found people she could trust, when she finally found a home. Leaving her friends behind, and taking ruby across the country  _ again _ was possibly the hardest thing she ever had to do. And now that she was staring at Alex’s face, she realized she did it all again. She dragged ruby across the country just a few months before her graduation, left whatever she had in Metropolis abandoned, and came running back to the National City. And the guilt was suddenly eating her. 

“I’m so sorry for leaving so suddenly, it’s just that I couldn’t stick around and keep being reminded of-” it’s a sad excuse really, they both know that Sam is stronger than that. She would never put so much stress on herself and her daughter after a matter that was solved, not only that, they both know it’s practically impossible to forget Reign and her destruction no matter where they were.

But Alex finishes Sam’s sentence and smiles at her in a way that says, ‘it's alright we don’t have to talk about that right now.’ She’s so understanding Sam wonders why she didn’t contact her more when they were apart, why she reduced their conversations to once a month or a couple of times now and then. 

“So…” Sam cleared her throat, “Let’s sit down somewhere comfy. Tell me all the juicy gossip that I’ve missed!” she quickly says, changing the topic, “did you just use the word ‘juicy’ and ‘gossip’ i see that ruby has rubbed off on you didn’t she?” Alex says, and she’s met by a pinch to her waist, “rude. How is she, by the way? I missed the little darling,”

“She’s doing great, especially lately, she got some news, and she’s surprisingly happy about it,”

“Oh, and what might that be?” Alex questioned the brunette, she furrowed an eyebrow and stared at Sam, “I’ll tell you in a bit. But right now, lets seriously find somewhere to sit, preferably a restaurant cause I need some food.”

\---

Lena somehow ended up in her office at 7 PM. She really didn’t mean to stay working after 5 PM. She’s been doing so well with that rule for the past few years. Still, this time her brain was just running; the idea had been stuck on her mind ever since she flew back to National city a few days after Sam and Ruby. That day was probably going to be one of the most memorable days of her life, and hopefully, the reason her next project will do some good to the world. 

Instead of taking her jet, she chose to fly commercial, which admittedly had been a nightmare, but it allowed her to stay under the radar knowing that some reporters basically lived in the airport. She had her dark glasses on that day and dressed in sweatpants and an MIT hoodie, as her ‘disguise’ no one would ever suspect that the woman underneath that was, in fact, the infamous multi-billionaire, Lena Luthor. 

The girl she was sat next to was blind, almost her age, the sky, and the sunset were beautiful from their window. Unfortunately, the girl couldn’t see the view that was outside, but she was able to feel the heat of it, so very shyly, the girl asked Lena if she could describe it to her. And Lena did. She tried her best to. She described each color as passionately as she could,  _ ‘what does red look like?’ and Lena replied with, ‘well it’s the color of your life’s blood, it’s the life that sizzles and dances inside of you, its loud, demanding, angry, warm, beautiful, and vibrant. It’s dangerous and a mess, but it’s so distracting and attractive, it feels like love and pain. Red will either enrapture you or repulse you – but it will not leave a strong aftertaste in your mouth.’  _ By the end, the girl was tearing up, and Lena had no idea what to do, 

_ ‘My name is Elaine, what’s yours?’ _

_ ‘Kieran, my name is Kieran.’ Lena replied, ‘well, Kieran, thank you that was possibly the best description I have ever heard, everyone always tries to compare it to an object or something, but they forget that I have never seen anything, so it doesn’t work.  _ She had found out what her real name was before she was adopted into the Luther's, and the brunette was so grateful when she found out her real name, not only that she found out what her mothers name was, where she was from and so much more because she finally grew the balls to look into it. She didn’t have Lillian berating her and stopping her from finding out. She didn’t have Lex to worry about and her company.

On this plane, she wasn’t Lena Luthor; she was simply Kieran. Someone who just needed a fucking break. So from that moment on, whenever she could get away, she could just be Kieran. It’s just that somehow a week-long break on a private beach resort turned into five years, three of them spent traveling and living in hotel rooms and finally moving back to Metropolis after Sam had declared it was time. 

_ ‘I’m sorry if this is crossing the line, but have you always been blind?’’ _

_ ‘i was born blind from birth,’  _ and for some reason that had Lena reflecting back onto her life and everything she took for granted. Sight being one of them, she could see colors, faces, the sky—a million things she took for granted. 

And so the conversation moved on, at one point Elaine asked why ‘Kerian’ was going to Ireland, and Lena said the only thing she could think of, 

_ ‘I’m going home,’  _

_ ‘Been on vacation?’ Elaine asked as she rearranged herself to get more comfortable, ‘yes, a  _ **_very_ ** _ long horrible one.’  _

_ ‘Well I’m glad, your long horrible vacation has ended,’ Elaine replied laughing a bit before elbowing Lena. ‘god she’s nice, I wonder if she would change if she knew who I was,’  _

That’s when it hit her. She was doing the Same thing as Kara had done to her, lying, except that she had no intention of using Elaine as Kara had done to her. So when the plane landed in Ireland, Lena quickly collected her stuff and left without a goodbye to Elaine. 

\---

“Miss. Luthor, Are you okay?” The new assistant pulled her out of her thoughts. She was a good assistant, just not Jess. She didn’t have the intuitiveness to reschedule Lena’s day without ever having to ask like Jess. The latter woman knew when to cancel her meetings if Lena seemed exhausted or forced her to eat some food, however,  _ dammit what was her name? Gianna, yes, _ didn’t have that skill set, or maybe she was just scared of suggesting her boss take a break or go home. 

“Yes, of course, remind me what I called you in for again? It’s been a long day, as you know.” She stated, “You asked me to bring you the list of potential investors for the ‘Non-Necore’ project, before the private showcase tomorrow, would you like the list now?” 

“Yes, that’s right, thank you, Gianna, you should go home at 5 PM like everyone else, I’m sorry I didn’t notice the time, there’s no need to stay here after work hours, nothing I can’t do myself.”

“Are you sure, Miss. Luthor?” The assistant asked, but it was clear she was hoping to get home, after all, she’s been fetching papers and coffee for the CEO all day since Lena was afraid of trusting the new graduate with essential tasks, “Of course, go and relax, you’ve worked hard enough.”  _ Lies. _ “Thank you, Miss. Luthor. I’ll see you Monday.” She forces a smile before speed, walking out of the office and shutting the door behind her. It’s only then that Lena allows herself to relax in her Mac Motion chair that was worth three times anyone’s monthly salary. 

She still hadn’t gotten a call back from Sam, which left her a bit worried that her meet up with Alex didn’t go so well, and maybe the bad feeling in her gut was justified because the news was out now, Lena Luthor was back in National City. 

\---

“You’re kidding!” Alex exclaimed, as she covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud in the cafe, “I’m really not, she started crying when she saw a spider, but she let a  _ snake _ crawl all over her,” Sam restated. 

They’d been talking about Ruby, their jobs, and lives for the past hour but she hasn’t brought up the topic she was supposed to ask about yet, once the laughter had subsided, Alex stared at her with a thoughtful gaze on her face, “What?” Sam chuckled awkwardly, “Just spill it already, you have something you wanna say.” She reached forward and squeezed her hand.

“You're not going to be happy, well, for the most part, but can you please give me a chance to explain?” The brunette questioned and was met by a kind gaze from Alex and a smile that said so much. Like,  _ I definitely will, you’ll be fine, we still have so much to talk about, you up and left why? _ And Sam wants to tell her everything because aside from Lena, Alex had been the most supportive person in her life, both women had terrific personalities. Still, Alex took care of ruby when she couldn’t, when Lena was too busy helping  _ her. _ So yeah, that puts Alex at the top of her list, aside from ruby. 

“I know I just packed everything and left after the whole reign situation, and first of all, I want to say I’m sorry, I should have stuck around or at least kept in touch with you, but i didn’t, and for that I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking of anyone except myself, even ruby, I packed everything up and left one afternoon without explaining much to anyone.” 

“You said it was because you couldn’t stick around, that you’d always be reminded of Reign if you ever stayed, but honestly, I think that was a little bit of a lie, wasn’t it?” Alex asked, more like accused but, no that still wasn’t the right word for it, her voice was too kind, too graceful, but still hurt, although that showed in her eyes more than her voice would ever mirror. 

“Can you blame me? I grew up around lies, so the first thing that came to mind was to lie, although it did have some truth to it, I guess it just didn’t help, moving back to Metropolis did nothing but hurt and confused ruby even more and destroyed our friendships. I should have known that the news of Reign wouldn’t be any better there if anything it was worse, but then again, I didn’t have to see everyone who I -  _ she  _ had hurt.” 

“Nobody is blaming you for taking time away for yourself and Ruby, you just should have been more careful about it. Your decision hurt more than anything Reign had said or done; it was like one day I had met an amazing person who became my best friend, and then she up and left without warning. I could have really used your help then when Maggie and I broke up. No one would understand, not even Kara, so I isolated myself from everyone else, took a little longer to heal if I had my friend.” Sam was crying by this point, eyes filled with tears that wouldn’t stop, her guilt was eating her up, and Alex didn’t seem to be faring any better, “anyways, your back now, for a little while at least. You  _ won’t _ shut us out this time, will you?” 

“Damn, actually that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, well not all of it, um, i don’t know how to say, and I probably should have made a plan, but, Ruby and I are back now, for good,  _ and _ so is Lena.” 

\---

“I’m guessing you’ve heard the rumors.” James said, walking into her office as if nothing in the world matters, “I’ve heard the rumors.” Kara responded, not paying attention to him. She was too busy staring at the article site she came across on Twitter, too busy glaring at it and figuring out what to do,  _ how to feel _ , if this would affect her in any way, or if any of it was even real.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” James inquired, making himself comfortable in her office. “This has nothing to do with me, so, all I’ll be doing is asking  _ you _ to send a reporter out and interview Miss. Luthor at L-Corp, preferably about the situation with Mr. Cass, since he was fired and is now sitting in Jail, for the reason that no one knows about yet.” 

“Kara, I’m sorry to say, but I’m not doing that; in fact, I’m telling you to not send anyone there, just yet.” 

“I’m sorry, James, but actually, you **_will_** do so; this is your job, and since we’re the best Media company around, this should be CatCo’s story to tell, not some celebrity gossip site. I want CatCo’s name on the article that will be reporting this, not TMZ or E Online. Understood?” 

“Okay you clearly didn’t understand what I just said Kara, I won’t be doing so, and neither will anyone here, including you.” He stood up, hands crossed against his chest clearly showing that he won’t be changing his mind. “You dare come here and — demand such a thing? James, you seem to be forgetting who’s your boss and that this is your job, second of all, please bless me with the knowledge of why you are so against this.” 

“Because this isn’t good for you! She’s already ruined your life; anything associated with her makes you stone-cold again, and you might think you’ve moved on, but honestly, I think Lena just reminded you of everything that ever hurt you, she moved on, why can’t you.”

“You think this has anything to do with moving on? I’ve done that a  _ long  _ time ago, and since you so kindly made this personal, I’ll tell you one thing, whatever I had with Lena, whatever my feelings are about our situation is no one’s business but mine. And whether I choose to speak to her or not, whether I choose to work with is my decision, and only mine and I certainly won’t allow you to come in here and berate me. So, please leave my office before I do something I’m going to regret.” 

“It always comes back to her with you, doesn’t it? Even if you don’t realize it, she’s destroyed you, just like she wanted too. I hope you see the person you’ve turned into Kara, as for the article, I’ll have Nia request an interview.” James said before storming out and slamming the door, causing some of her papers to ruffle around. 

Sighing loudly, Kara shut her eyes and counted to ten, not wanting to fry anything with her heat vision, at not in her office where everyone would see,  _ one _ ,  _ two, three… why is she back? _ Kara thought to herself, it could be just business, but as far as the Kryptonian knew Lena Luthor hasn’t stepped foot in National City for over five years. She always did her work from Metropolis until two years ago. She didn’t involve herself in any L-Corp related work. Kara didn’t know much about the brunette anymore. She never even heard her name or saw her face unless she was approving articles or on some rare occasion when she flew by the ‘Girl of Steel’ Statue, where the L-Corp sign stood proudly. Explaining the statue and showcasing a picture and information about their beloved CEO, Lena Luthor. 

Quickly packing up her stuff, Kara walked out of her office and headed towards the elevator that used to belong to Cat Grant only, the one that now anybody was allowed to use. 

The clouds were still covering the sky, but at least now it wasn’t pouring outside any longer, and she could feel the sun rays on her skin when she flew above them, not knowing where she was going.

\---

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Alex urged, a few moments ago her smile was so big, Sam was sure it hurt, but then Alex processed what the brown-eyed woman had said, and her smile wavered, her facial expression turned into one of disbelief, anger even. “We’re moving back here. To National City, and so is Lena, she’s taking back L-Corp here. Fired the COO, because he was embezzling money into illegal things, and took his place. She’s been wanting t-” Sam stopped as she realized Alex was no longer paying attention and staring off into the distance, “She’s not going anywhere near Kara, Sam. Not again.” Alex told her firmly, without hesitating. Somehow Alex was able to tell where this was going and squashed down the idea before Sam was even able to suggest it. 

“Alex, just listen for a second,” the brunette pleaded. 

“No! I’m sorry, but do you know how much Kara has suffered from her? If Lena is back then, that means they’ll eventually run into each other, she’s always a way, and when she is here, she’s just  _ sad,  _ and angry, and I can’t have her suffer more.”

“I  _ really _ think it would be good for both of them to talk, it could be just this once, they don’t even have to see each other again if that’s what Kara wants, but I don’t think you should decide that for her.”

“Did Lena even ask to talk to Kara, or is this your plan Sam? Because last time I checked Lena hated us, she wanted nothing to do with Kara and whether she knew it or not she succeeded in inflicting her pain on all of us, especially my sister.” Alex spat out, her tone became harsher, and Sam did her best to try and not flinch after all Lena did she wouldn’t be surprised that Alex still hasn’t forgiven her. 

“It was her idea. She’s grown so much Alex, please just give her a chance.” Sam answered. “We’ve given her a chance before, so many of them. Do you know how many times Kara apologized? How many times she was used by Lena during those months?” Alex finally met Sam’s pleading eyes with her glare. “Not as much as Kara or  _ you _ have used her before. The only reason you allowed Kara near Lena, in the beginning, was to keep an eye on her, and you can’t deny that Alex.” The woman scolded, and Alex found herself speechless. It was true, they both knew it was, so when Sam goes to apologize, Alex stops her, and the pair sits in silence for a few minutes before Sam lets out a sigh. 

“She regrets what she did. Trust me, she does.” 

Alex leaned back in her chair and listened to Sam ramble on. 

“I’ve been with her for the past few years, and no one understands that she  _ does _ regret her mistakes. She’s learned from them, and now she wants to try and amend things. She found her birth mother, did you know that? She spent two years in Ireland, in the little secluded town she used to live in. And ever since she came it’s like she’s an entirely new person, more carefree and happy, she’s grown and, of course, Lena’s fucked up, maybe even worse than a normal person usually does but  _ please _ just consider telling Kara before she finds out on her own.”

“Well Lena might have become happier and kinder, and all that bullshit, but her happiness came out of destroying my sister Sam. All Kara does is work, she’s constantly exhausted, we’ve stopped having game nights, sister’s nights, and so many things that just used to be normal. I barely see her, if this goes wrong, I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

“You won’t be able to forgive yourself if you take away her chance to forgive herself. All that sadness is coming out of self hatred and regret. If this doesn’t go well, at least, we’ll know the end of this now.”

“Fine, but I have a few conditions.”

“Anything!” Sam answered willingly, “We get to be there during the meetup and if Kara says no, that’s it. I’m not forcing her. Not again.” 

“That’s fair, I  _ promise,  _ this is good.”

“Whatever you say, Sam,” Alex sighed, “Just lower your expectations.” 

“Alright,” after a few moments of silence, Sam’s phone vibrates and lights up as a text from Ruby shows up, “It’s Ruby, she needs me to sign her college applications.” Sam provided.

“College, huh?” Alex asks, quirking an eyebrow, “She’s grown up so much hasn’t she?” Alex commented, “She has, It’s going to be tough when she goes away, but I’m happy for her, she’s a bad ass now.” Sam says playfully. “I should get going now. She might have grown up; she’s still  _ very _ impatient.”

“Of course, make sure to give Ruby a hug for me. I’d love to see you and her sometime again,” Alex got up from her chair, walking closer to Sam, “I will text me when you’re free?” Sam, sad before going in to hug the shorter woman, “Yeah, course.” 

\---

Kara flew around National City a few times before going back to her apartment, her mind was going a mile a minute, and the anger had long subsided into regret. She hated that she yelled at James. If he wasn’t willing to go, she should have simply sent someone else. Or just do nothing about it, after all, was some stupid article really as important as one of her oldest friendships that may have just gotten ruined? She didn’t think so. 

No matter what she did, this always ebbed at her. There was something she was supposed to be doing. She just didn’t know what it was. It was these little things that she was thinking about for hours, little silly things that always ruined it for her. She remembered the face of every single kid she had met as Supergirl but somehow forgot that it was sister’s night, always put her career in front of potential relationships. Broke up with a boyfriend because she was still too busy saving people and coming up with stupid excuses to hide her identity. Until she realized that she was no higher power. 

She wasn’t a God, so trying to stop things before they happen or just simply hoping a day could be without any problems wasn’t possible. 

So that meant she had no time for relationships or fun, no time to sit around in front of a TV while eating ice cream and watching comedies and romance movies. That just left her with two things, Supergirl and work. 

And for some reason, both of them made her miserable. 

\---

Lena finally got a call back from Sam, and when she heard about Alex’s reaction, she wasn’t shocked. The agent had agreed after much persuasion from Sam, to tell Kara about Lena’s return, maybe try and persuade her to meet up. But she couldn’t say that her reaction didn’t hurt, after all these people were once her family, Alex was someone she cared about even if they weren’t that close.

Lena had thought that there would be no way in hell that Alex would agree under any circumstance. It seemed that it was finally in the right place now. All the awards she had won and articles she had written, no surprise that Alex didn’t want her to ruin things for Kara. 

But something still felt wrong, it wasn’t anticipation or one of those feelings you get in your gut because you don’t know what’s happening and it wasn’t necessarily bad either. She just felt like she should  _ watch out _ for something, anything. 

And maybe that feeling was justified by the fact that across the city sat her ex-best friend writing an article about her return.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment below what you though and come find me on tumblr! 
> 
> @versented


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